The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
How external is "for external use only"?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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