Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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