I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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