i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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