I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
