a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
