I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Bring me that man meat
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
