i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
