Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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