rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
