i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
