in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
