I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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