i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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