I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
