It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think I sprained my soul last night
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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