I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
