this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
