I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
