They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
