I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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