anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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