I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
