If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
