rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
