1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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