well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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