you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
