Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
