He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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