Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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