Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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