I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
