erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
