I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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