dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
What a dumb baby whore.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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