I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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