lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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