I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
my liver is dry heaving
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He has the fingertips of a God
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