flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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