he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
