you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
