just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
