who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
