felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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