wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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