look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
