**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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