girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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