made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Bring me that man meat
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
