You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
