new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She told me I should be a condom model.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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